Calling All Flash Animators
This little idea for a slick Flash animation came to me the other morning while I was still only half-awake. If you, or anybody you know, is a kick-ass flash animator...

BLACK SCREEN

TEXT FADES ON:

"HOW THE LEFT VIEWS THE RIGHT:"

In a secret underground bunker: Dick Cheney in a lab coat and black rubber gloves, like a Dr. Frankenstein-Strangelove, Bush Sr. looking a bit like a Nazi and Karl Rove as a sniveling hunchbacked assistant all work feverishly in their dark laboratory, creating a giant robot Dubya. Every once in a while, Cheney grabs his heart from exertion.

CHENEY: (concerned) BAH!

The Giant DubyaBot takes shape. It is a hulking retro-future clunky-roughshod monster with George Bush Jr.’s face. 1000 feet tall. Once complete, they run it for President. It speaks its lines with a robotic version of Bush Jr.’s voice and enunciates poorly because the technology is primitive. It claims to be a regular guy, consumes an entire brewery of beer then stumbles over backwards and destroys a heartland village. People vote for it anyway. The vote is contested, so Cheney controls the robot and sends it to threaten the Supreme Court justices. They install the robot in the presidency.

CHENEY: (triumphant) BAH!

The robot goes marching through the land. It grabs the steeple off a church and affixes the cross to its chest. Faithful Christians all across America bow down before the Robot. They dress their sons and daughters in uniforms and offer them up to the Robot as a sacrifice. The Robot gathers them up and eats them for fuel. It then rockets across the ocean and lands in Iraq. Accompanied by more uniformed Christians, it marches around laying waste to the country. Cheney watches everything the Robot sees on a viewing screen from the safety of the bunker.

Cheney fiddles with some controls. The robot responds by gathering up more soldiers and eating them. Then it marches over an Iraqi village and half-squats...

CHENEY: Cradle of civilization, eh? Cradle THIS… [Cheney pushes a red button]

GiantDubya squints its eyes in exertion and shits a giant bomb onto the village, destroying it. Then the Robot stands fully upright again and laughs that sick little laugh that Bush Jr. laughs, while doing that little shoulder shrug he does.

FADE TO BLACK

TEXT FADES ON:

"HOW THE RIGHT VIEWS THE LEFT:"

A New York City street is crammed with half a million political protesters. Cheney watches them on a viewing screen from the safety of his underground bunker. His hand reaches for some robot controls…